Honestly, it's easier not to do this. Because it's hard to think about. And really tugs at the core of who I am to process through this trip. But my life has been changed. And I want to share that in the best way I can.
The Lord wrecked me on this trip. I have been outside of the US before, but only on a school trip to Spain (touristy) and to resorts with my family. This was my first time really experiencing the world. And it blew my mind. It was incredible to see the volcanos, the landscape, the sunsets. What a creative God I serve! But it also brought me to my knees in tears. I knew poverty existed, the same way every more or less self-centered, sheltered American does…I "knew" it existed. But wow, is the world different outside the US. I only slept for 2 hours the first night. I was wrestling with Jesus. How the heck was I supposed to respond to this? I am 23 years old; have been following Christ for 4 years now. And I was clueless. Absolutely clueless. And in total shock. These people in Taura, before Rochester started going there (this was the 4th year) didn't have clean water. LIKE NONE. No clean water. They don't have running water. The bathrooms are permanent porter potties…that smell terrible. There is no work, no transportation, no medical care, limited schooling. Half of the year all of their crops get wiped out from flooding. They barely have enough food. There are tons of single moms. Houses with pieces of metal on the sides, with dirt floors, with 2 kids sleeping in a hammock together. And here I was. A 23 year old, white, sheltered American girl
with my tie dye t-shirt 'roughing it' because I didn't get to wash my face before I went to sleep. I had no idea. I felt so ignorant. I had to keep reminding myself that this was real life. These are the Lord's people. the Lord's creation. And it was real. And so I was up. Pretty much all night. Wrestling with Jesus. Trying to figure out how I was supposed to respond to this.
On top of dealing with this myself, I had 7 high school kids with me. It's funny how although all the kids had traveled before, this was the first time without mom and dad, without their phones, to a new country, where they didn't speak the language. I became mom for the week. Which I love being the adult in these kids lives. What a gift that is, that the Lord would trust me to spend time with these kids. But it was tough! To walk through this experience with the Lord, but also help high school kids process this same stuff! I'm incredibly thankful for some of the older girl leaders who didn't have any high school kids with them. It was a gift to spend time and process with them.
There are 2 people the Lord put in my path this week to change my life and to save it. To save me from the ignorance and self-centeredness I get stuck in.
The first is a little boy named Marvin. I got to spend so much time with him. He is precious. Absolutely precious. He is 5. We played chase with 2 of his friends, we took pictures (he loves cameras…would take pictures of anyone and anything, including himself, then look at every single one very carefully), and we goofed around in the street at night. He has an incredible smile. And his laugh, oh gosh just makes me melt. He was clinging to me all week, and let me tell you, I was not fighting it. He would give me hugs and kiss my cheek and just not leave my side. I loved every second of it. On the last night, we were doing our normal routine of being silly in the street, when his uncle (Marvin also…the president of Taura), shared with me how he was so happy to see him laughing again; that he's been having a rough time recently since his mom left. He quickly shared that his dad left the family 2 years ago- simply never came home- and that his mom, because there was no work in Taura, had no choice but to move to Spain for a year to make money for her family. Uncle Marvin left to go do something and I lost it. I went over to where Rob (another staff member) was playing guitar and a bunch of people were sitting around singing. Little Marvin sat on my lap and fell asleep on me, and I lost it. My heart was broken. Literally broken. This little boy, plus his 2 older brothers, were living without parents for a year. No wonder he was clinging to me…I'm probably about the same age as his mom, whom he hadn't seen for a month.
In this moment, I knew my life would never be the same. I spent the next few hours in tears, praying over this little boy and begging the Lord on his behalf. Praying for his health (he has pretty bad asthma…and hospital trips/medicine are extremely expensive), his mom, his brothers, that he would grow up to be a man of God, for his uncle who loves him so much and is literally laying down his life for his family and others, and that the Lord would simply not forget this little boy. One thing I know about myself, is that I'm a do-er. I like to fix things, especially when people are hurting. So my first thought was 'Lord, how can I fix this?'…my response was not what I expected. I looked up and saw the huge sky above me. The stars were incredible! Anyone who knows me, knows my love for the stars. Leading in ShenCo, I saw some serious starry nights, but this didn't even compare. And this is what I realized: God put every star out there. He knew them all. They were all under his command. And more than that, he knows exactly how many hairs are on that little boy's head. He was not out of reach. If I loved him this much, his Creator must love him a whole heck of a lot. And the God I believe in is big enough, yet loving enough that there is no way this boy will slip from his hands.
I cannot accurately describe to you (especially not in words on this blog) the impact the Lord is having on my life through little Marvin. I think I also don't know the full extent of it yet either. I'm still processing that and praying that the Lord would reveal more of what this means in my life.
The other person I got to know was a beautiful, 19 year old girl named Angela. We spent a lot of time together. There are tons of cute, little kids in Taura. And let me tell you they get fussed over. But I found my eyes shifting over and over from the little guys to the older kids. As my spanish came back little by little (she was so gracious with me!), I got to know more about her. It's funny because high school kids are the same in the US as they are in El Salvador. If you give them the chance to talk while you listen, they will just go and will share as much as you are willing to listen to. I got to hear about her family, what's hard in life, what brings her joy. She invited me to go to her family's house. So I got to meet her abuela, her tio and tias, her primos…see her house and the store her family runs. They even gave me a fresh tortilla they were cooking! What a gift my time with her was. I am truly thankful the Lord brought back my spanish and blessed me with the ability to get to know this beautiful girl!
So. After all that, there's more. So much more. But that's the beginning of what the Lord did in my heart. He used a 5 year old boy and 19 year old girl to change my heart forever. It makes sense right?
1 Corinthians 1:27 - "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong…"
